is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
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He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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