every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize