sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
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someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
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Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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