If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
