she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
