Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
