You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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