why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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