God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
