she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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