So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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