I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
