it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
