so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
