I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
