But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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