One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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