I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
