I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
