I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
its not stalking. its research.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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