I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
