She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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