idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
