Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
