Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
