I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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