Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
