I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
