dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
