Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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