Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
