Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
