He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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