So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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