Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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