Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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