Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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