so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
