The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
