Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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