So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
