He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
