please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
