i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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