yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
