i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
