She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
