Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
