Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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