You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
