we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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