alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
