At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
