I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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