capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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