So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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