The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
where are my eyebrows?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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