My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
