My room smells like vodka and shame
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
