9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
