Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
