the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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