I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
