While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
