after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
