My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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