So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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