I like my sex mixed with concussions.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
