That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
