Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
