I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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