Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
