What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
