Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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