White coat. Heels.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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