ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
