I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
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Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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