i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
